Life Is Good: Growing Up

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Growing Up

Sometimes this little guy amazes me. Too often I look at him and see a "big boy". I probably expect too much at times. I sometimes expect him to act like an "all-grown-up-big-kid". I love and play with him but I don't caudle him much. I comfort him when he needs it but I sometimes forget that he still needs to just snuggle and be picked up and held from time to time. He's not my baby anymore. He's my big boy.. But then I take a step back and remember that he is only 4! Four is still pre-school...a very young child...not much older than a toddler. 4! He's 4...going on 5.

Today, however, I saw in my little boy a much bigger, older child. And it wasn't my expectations of him. It was slowing down to watch and listen and realizing the reality that he's growing up. Today I took the kids to the school where I will soon be attending. Ryan has expressed great concern about me going to school.

Just the other day:
Ryan: "Mom I don't want you to go to school."
Me: "But Ryan it's so I can become a nurse and take care other sick people. It will be hard for a while but it will be better for our family when I'm finished."
Ryan: "But I don't want anything to happen to you..."

So I took the kids to the school for them to look around and explore a little. I was hoping Ryan would feel more comfortable about me being away at school if he could explore where I will be going. We enjoyed our time there but towards the end the kids were getting tired and losing interest. I bought them a little bag of candy to share and when the last piece was gone Ryan was mad. Very mad. And hateful. When we got to the car I pulled him aside and told him that if he couldn't straighten his attitude and find some happies that I would help him do so with a spanking. Irritated, he plopped himself down in his seat.

A couple miles down the road and out of his fit, a big kid emerged:
Ryan: "Mom I'm really really sorry."
Me: "What are you sorry for?"
Ryan: "I'm really sorry for getting mad and for not trusting you that everything is going to be okay."

I was speechless. Teary. All kinds of emotions.

After visiting the Sunflower Market and picking up a few things we then went to the park. And once again my 4-year-old was all but grown up. The park was packed on such a gorgeous day. He didn't gravitate to the preschool aged kids. He wasn't interested in the other 3 and 4 year olds running around. He ended up playing with a couple of boys (probably 7 and 10) as they played dodge ball with their dad. He didn't understand the game but he added a keep-away twist to their already exciting game and they all enjoyed it. Ryan really enjoyed playing with those boys and their dad. A bunch of guys doing what guys do. Playing. Running. Conquering. Throwing balls. A dad and his two sons...and they were gracious enough to adopt my little boy who's growing up fast into their clan. Wow!

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Brandy Danielle

Brandy is our firstborn, our precious angel baby girl. Her entry into this world wasn't without excitement. At 26 weeks I started preterm labor with contractions 5 minutes apart. With 10 weeks of strict bedrest, most of which were in the hospital, she made it to 36 weeks.
Brandy was diagnosed with "possible/probable" heart defect around 28-30 weeks gestation. After her birth she was whisked away to the NICU for monitoring and after a few days her defect was formally diagnosed and labeled...atrial septal defect and a cleft mitral valve.
Brandy, upon indications of failure to thrive and pulmonary hypertension, underwent her first of 2 open-heart surgeries at 4 months of age. A week after her surgery on the day of her anticipated discharge home Brandy coded for 13 minutes...a stoke.
From that point on Brandy's life was full of doctor's visits, endless crying, pain and suffering. She underwent another heart surgery, fundoplication and g-tube surgery, treatment for infantile spasms, and a mountain of tests and procedures. Her brain damage was extensive.
Upon counseling of our wonderful, most amazing heart surgeon, Dr. Christopher Knott-Craig, and many hours of prayer, we finally called in hospice and called off all of the extensive medical interventions and surgery needs that would prolong her suffering while possibly prolonging her life. Brandy, our precious baby girl...our angel...passed out of our arms and into the arms of her Saviour, Jesus at the tender age of 17 months.

Ryan Andrew

Ryan, our micro-preemie miracle, is a ball of life. After nearly a year of trying to conceive imagine our delight when we finally knew he was on the way. My pregnancy with Ryan was uneventful at first. It seemed perfect and with all of the precautions for preterm labor being taken and monitored we entered this pregnancy with cautious anticipation covered over by a whole love of naive excitement.
At 20 weeks we discovered our "Baby Peanut" was going to be a little boy. We began to make plans and began dreaming about the day we would meet our son.
Almost 2 weeks later everything changed in our lives. It wa a whirlwind of fear and emtions as I began to bleed, was sent for monitoring in L&D and eventually had an appointment with my OB only to find out that it was serious. I had incompetent cervix with hourglassing membranes. The doctor admitted me to the hospital immediately and an emergency cerclage was placed. The statistics were grim, but the hope was to keep our son inside for at least 10 more weeks. We only made it 10 more days.
Early in the evening of February 11, 2007 our son, Ryan, came into this world in emergency fashion at only 23 weeks 5 days gestation. He weighed 1 pound 8 ounces and was 12 ½ inches long. He was so tiny. All I could think of was “oh my goodness is he really that tiny? And is there any way he could actually make it?” I tried to hold on to hope, but in all honesty I had never met anyone with a baby born that early and that small that ever made it.
Ryan did make it! It was a long, hard road, but in the end he spent 90 days in the NICU. He was on a ventilator for 2 months. Finally on one fine glorious day in May we bundled up our 4 pound 4 ounce baby boy and went home...May 11, 2007.
Ryan is now a spunky, lively, strong-willed little boy. His laughter is contagious and his spirit is compelling. He is our miracle. There are no words strong enough to share our delight and joy that God has blessed us with this little boy.

Evan Alexander