Wednesday, May 6, 2009

So Now What

So now what? I've been asking myself that question a lot lately since everything has slooowed waaaay down. Fortunately or unfortunately (however you may look at it) I am one of those people who almost always has something in mind. I guess you could say I'm a doer. I am goal oriented and just sitting around doing nothing drives me crazy. Now I do enjoy relaxing and I'm learning to slow down and just enjoy the moment a little more. You know...you can miss an awful lot of wonderful things if you (or your mind) are continuously on the go.

So what am I thinking about now? Now that life has slowed down a bit.

1. I plan to spend more time:
playing with this little cutie.
painting pretty pictures.
eating chocolate chip pancakes.
making French Bread pizza.

and all sorts of other fun and exciting things the two of us can find to do.


2. I plan to read this...AGAIN...
because by golly I'm such a stubborn, hard-headed, slow-learner. Sorry Honey!

3. I plan to enjoy my back yard and my gardens. Along with that I plan to finish planting the plants that desperately need in the ground, weeding my flower bed/herb garden, and setting up the arch for my grape vines. All of this...if the rain will ever go away and come again another day.

4. I plan to lose a little weight. I sure would like to lose about 15 pounds. That's what it would take to get to my ideal weight...that weight I feel most comfortable and energetic. I don't have full length mirrors in my house...ummm...for obvious reasons, but I caught a glimpse of myself in a full length mirror some time ago...naked no less (it was in a campground shower facility)...and oh my! I sure do have a little bit too much fluff in some areas and not so much definition in others. Ooops. Besides...I've read that losing a little weight can often help with Topic Number 5: See below.

5. I hope to get pregnant although I am not as desperate as I once was. I've reached a point now where I can honestly say that yes...I hope God blesses us with another child, but I am content to be the mother of an only child. That is, as long as God equips me in ways I never could have dreamed of which I have no doubt He will. I'm not to the point of completely accepting having no more children, but I've accepted the reality it may happen. I truly believe God could bless us with another child at any moment and by whatever means necessary however I am at peace with life just as it is right now. At least today I am. My acceptance of this may waver depending on the day of the month, but my peace will last because it is in Him that my peace exists. Right now I am at a crossroads as to how far I want to continue "trying". I'm really praying about this. You are more than welcome to pray with me. Do I continue taking the medications each month that ensure I ovulate? Do I track every little thing each month as indicators for "the right time"? Do we move on to the next step medically? Should we try some "alternative" methods such as chiropractic, accupuncture, etc.? Do I just stop everything and "let it happen" if it's going to happen? Oh...and....adoption. I would love to adopt, but my Honey and I aren't on the same page when it comes to that option, and that's completely okay. Adoption is a huge thing (financially, emotionally, etc.) so I would only hope that God would place that in both of our hearts when the time is right if that is the route we are to take. What does God want? These, and many more, are questions going through my mind about our infertility road. God's will is perfect and best. I hope it involves another child, but without question it will involve His love and blessings for my family and I pray especially my son. A good friend of mine e-mailed me saying she has been doing a Beth Moore Bible study and wanted to remind me that in the Bible with every reference to infertility there is a miracle that follows. That gave me much hope. I just have to be careful not to make my own "Miracle Wish List", but allow God to do it all.

2 comments:

Bootsy said...

I love this post! Sometimes it feels so good to put it all out there. I will be praying with you.

twin power mommy ♥ said...

I LOVE the "created" book. I just loaned it out to someone because she was expressing to me how difficult her marriage has been.

She is a God fearing woman whom i think will benefit, just as I did, from the book.

I want to read it every summer and refresh myself. SUCH GOOD STUFF iin there!!!