Life Is Good: So Now What

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

So Now What

So now what? I've been asking myself that question a lot lately since everything has slooowed waaaay down. Fortunately or unfortunately (however you may look at it) I am one of those people who almost always has something in mind. I guess you could say I'm a doer. I am goal oriented and just sitting around doing nothing drives me crazy. Now I do enjoy relaxing and I'm learning to slow down and just enjoy the moment a little more. You know...you can miss an awful lot of wonderful things if you (or your mind) are continuously on the go.

So what am I thinking about now? Now that life has slowed down a bit.

1. I plan to spend more time:

playing with this little cutie.

painting pretty pictures.

eating chocolate chip pancakes.

making French Bread pizza.

and all sorts of other fun and exciting things the two of us can find to do.

2. I plan to read this...AGAIN...

because by golly I'm such a stubborn, hard-headed, slow-learner. Sorry Honey!

3. I plan to enjoy my back yard and my gardens. Along with that I plan to finish planting the plants that desperately need in the ground, weeding my flower bed/herb garden, and setting up the arch for my grape vines. All of this...if the rain will ever go away and come again another day.

4. I plan to lose a little weight. I sure would like to lose about 15 pounds. That's what it would take to get to my ideal weight...that weight I feel most comfortable and energetic. I don't have full length mirrors in my house...ummm...for obvious reasons, but I caught a glimpse of myself in a full length mirror some time ago...naked no less (it was in a campground shower facility)...and oh my! I sure do have a little bit too much fluff in some areas and not so much definition in others. Ooops. Besides...I've read that losing a little weight can often help with Topic Number 5: See below.

5. I hope to get pregnant although I am not as desperate as I once was. I've reached a point now where I can honestly say that yes...I hope God blesses us with another child, but I am content to be the mother of an only child. That is, as long as God equips me in ways I never could have dreamed of which I have no doubt He will. I'm not to the point of completely accepting having no more children, but I've accepted the reality it may happen. I truly believe God could bless us with another child at any moment and by whatever means necessary however I am at peace with life just as it is right now. At least today I am. My acceptance of this may waver depending on the day of the month, but my peace will last because it is in Him that my peace exists. Right now I am at a crossroads as to how far I want to continue "trying". I'm really praying about this. You are more than welcome to pray with me. Do I continue taking the medications each month that ensure I ovulate? Do I track every little thing each month as indicators for "the right time"? Do we move on to the next step medically? Should we try some "alternative" methods such as chiropractic, accupuncture, etc.? Do I just stop everything and "let it happen" if it's going to happen? Oh...and....adoption. I would love to adopt, but my Honey and I aren't on the same page when it comes to that option, and that's completely okay. Adoption is a huge thing (financially, emotionally, etc.) so I would only hope that God would place that in both of our hearts when the time is right if that is the route we are to take. What does God want? These, and many more, are questions going through my mind about our infertility road. God's will is perfect and best. I hope it involves another child, but without question it will involve His love and blessings for my family and I pray especially my son. A good friend of mine e-mailed me saying she has been doing a Beth Moore Bible study and wanted to remind me that in the Bible with every reference to infertility there is a miracle that follows. That gave me much hope. I just have to be careful not to make my own "Miracle Wish List", but allow God to do it all.

2 comments:

Bootsy said...: I love this post! Sometimes it feels so good to put it all out there. I will be praying with you.; May 6, 2009 at 9:42 PM
twin power mommy ♥ said...: I LOVE the "created" book. I just loaned it out to someone because she was expressing to me how difficult her marriage has been.

She is a God fearing woman whom i think will benefit, just as I did, from the book.

I want to read it every summer and refresh myself. SUCH GOOD STUFF iin there!!!; May 8, 2009 at 12:37 AM

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Brandy Danielle

Brandy is our firstborn, our precious angel baby girl. Her entry into this world wasn't without excitement. At 26 weeks I started preterm labor with contractions 5 minutes apart. With 10 weeks of strict bedrest, most of which were in the hospital, she made it to 36 weeks.
Brandy was diagnosed with "possible/probable" heart defect around 28-30 weeks gestation. After her birth she was whisked away to the NICU for monitoring and after a few days her defect was formally diagnosed and labeled...atrial septal defect and a cleft mitral valve.
Brandy, upon indications of failure to thrive and pulmonary hypertension, underwent her first of 2 open-heart surgeries at 4 months of age. A week after her surgery on the day of her anticipated discharge home Brandy coded for 13 minutes...a stoke.
From that point on Brandy's life was full of doctor's visits, endless crying, pain and suffering. She underwent another heart surgery, fundoplication and g-tube surgery, treatment for infantile spasms, and a mountain of tests and procedures. Her brain damage was extensive.
Upon counseling of our wonderful, most amazing heart surgeon, Dr. Christopher Knott-Craig, and many hours of prayer, we finally called in hospice and called off all of the extensive medical interventions and surgery needs that would prolong her suffering while possibly prolonging her life. Brandy, our precious baby girl...our angel...passed out of our arms and into the arms of her Saviour, Jesus at the tender age of 17 months.

Ryan Andrew

Ryan, our micro-preemie miracle, is a ball of life. After nearly a year of trying to conceive imagine our delight when we finally knew he was on the way. My pregnancy with Ryan was uneventful at first. It seemed perfect and with all of the precautions for preterm labor being taken and monitored we entered this pregnancy with cautious anticipation covered over by a whole love of naive excitement.
At 20 weeks we discovered our "Baby Peanut" was going to be a little boy. We began to make plans and began dreaming about the day we would meet our son.
Almost 2 weeks later everything changed in our lives. It wa a whirlwind of fear and emtions as I began to bleed, was sent for monitoring in L&D and eventually had an appointment with my OB only to find out that it was serious. I had incompetent cervix with hourglassing membranes. The doctor admitted me to the hospital immediately and an emergency cerclage was placed. The statistics were grim, but the hope was to keep our son inside for at least 10 more weeks. We only made it 10 more days.
Early in the evening of February 11, 2007 our son, Ryan, came into this world in emergency fashion at only 23 weeks 5 days gestation. He weighed 1 pound 8 ounces and was 12 ½ inches long. He was so tiny. All I could think of was “oh my goodness is he really that tiny? And is there any way he could actually make it?” I tried to hold on to hope, but in all honesty I had never met anyone with a baby born that early and that small that ever made it.
Ryan did make it! It was a long, hard road, but in the end he spent 90 days in the NICU. He was on a ventilator for 2 months. Finally on one fine glorious day in May we bundled up our 4 pound 4 ounce baby boy and went home...May 11, 2007.
Ryan is now a spunky, lively, strong-willed little boy. His laughter is contagious and his spirit is compelling. He is our miracle. There are no words strong enough to share our delight and joy that God has blessed us with this little boy.

Evan Alexander