Happy Mother's Day

Today is a day I wondered if I would ever see. You may be wondering what exactly I’m talking about. Today, this May 11th, has so many meanings and memories. It’s Mother’s Day. Happy Mother’s Day to my mom, my wonderful 2 mothers-in-law, and all the other women who’ve been as close to a mother as anyone else. Happy Mother’s Day to those who are new mothers, to those who are expecting, to those who are still dreaming. Happy Mother’s Day to the moms who may not feel like a mother because they no longer get to hold their children any longer. Happy Mother’s Day to those who have loved and cared for another’s child so much that they will always be like Mom to that precious little one.

My very first mother’s day, as a mom, I was expecting our very first child. I was glowing with anticipation of the baby growing inside me. My next Mother’s Day I spent holding my precious baby girl who once was a vibrant little girl, but who had recently suffered a severe brain injury and was suffering with severe seizures. It was a difficult mother’s day. A mother’s heart breaks for her children when they suffer, and that day my heart was breaking. My next mother’s day I spent with empty arms. My precious baby girl had passed away just 3 short months ago. I cried and curled up in the arms of my Great Comforter that Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day the following year was difficult in another sort of way. It was still a day to remind me of the pain of empty arms. We had started trying to have another baby almost a year prior with no success. This Mother’s Day I wondered if I would ever hold a child of my own once again. The following Mother’s Day was simply amazing. I was holding my little boy at home!

God is so Good. I’ve been so blessed…more than I deserve. Even in times when I’ve hurt the worst I’ve been blessed. I feel honored that He has chosen me to be a Mother. Being a Mother is the most challenging and rewarding and honored job in the entire world! I love you MOM. You’re the greatest!!!

This day, May 11th, is incredibly special in one other way, and let me tell you the story….

On January 29, 2007 we went to the doctor to have some things checked out because I had become nervous about the health of my little Peanut. Unfortunately, to our surprise, the doctor found that my body was not holding our baby inside well at all, so he immediately admitted us to the hospital. That evening I had a emergency "rescue cerclage" procedure to help hold Peanut inside. We were absolutely blessed with the success of this procedure. The plan was to stay in the hospital from that point forward until our little Peanut was born. Our hopes were to remain for 10 weeks so our baby could reach 32 weeks gestation. Everything had been going well overall. We had some ups and downs physically, but emotionally we were doing quite well.

Late in the evening on February 10th I began to have some contractions and bleeding. The nurses gave me Brethine to stop the contractions and it worked. The contractions and bleeding came back the following day. I was given Brethine several times, and the contractions stopped for a while then started again. Finally early in the afternoon it was decided to move me to the labor and delivery floor and start Magnesium to put a stop to labor. Labor continued despite all efforts. At about 5:00 p.m. it was decided that our little baby was going to be born and a C-section was going to be the safest for him because an ultrasound revealed that he was breech. At 5:31 p.m. our little Peanut came into the world. He weighed 1 pound 8 ounces and was 12 1/2 inches long. He was only 23 weeks 5 days gestation, a little less than 6 months in the safety of his mommy's womb.

Ryan Andrew was born way too early. Would he make it? Could he survive? I was scared, numb, confused. I had days I rejoiced at his life and cried out to God to please heal my baby and bring him home to me whole, but I also had days where I tried to mentally prepare for the worst. Some days I was riddled with fear and other days I experienced that unexplainable peace only God supplies.

Ryan had his fair share of struggles, but God blessed us immensely more than we could have ever imagined. Ryan’s lungs were his biggest concern. He was on the ventilator for 2 months and 1 day. He never had to be on CPAP and for that we are grateful. He continued to breathe fast, and to this day he breathes faster than most kids his age. 10 days after he was released from the ventilator he was offered his first bottle. He did very well! He was also moved from the Critical Care nursery to the Intermediate Care Nursery. From there it was just a flash of eating and growing, baths, hearing tests, minor procedures, ROP exams, brain scans, MRI, discharge teaching, and precious moments.

ON MAY 11th 2007, WE TOOK OUR LITTLE BOY HOME!

He was exactly 90 days old, 3 months from his birthday. He weighed 4 pounds 2 ounces. He came home on oxygen and an apnea monitor. We were scared and excited all at the same time. We were home!!!

Happy Mother’s Day! I just love this day....