I grew up in a female-dominated home, but femininity was often replaced by tom-boyishness. (Yes I know that's probably not a real word.) Not that that is an entirely bad thing. It has done a lot in the shaping of who I am, but I'm not so sure if it hasn't overshadowed the importance of beauty a little too much.
Beauty is important. Inward and outward beauty. The world is filled with things beautiful. Flowers, waterfalls, warm summer days, people, love. Creation is beautiful. God's love is beautiful. The story of redemption although dramatic and war-like is also one of beauty. God calls his church (those that love and believe in His name) his bride. Brides are beautiful. Broken sometimes but beautiful. The Bible has many references to beauty. My goodness...just read the book Song of Solomon. It is filled with passion and beauty. Which leads me back to...
The male mind and the importance of beauty. (Leaving the passion out of the equation for a minute). I recently read Beth Moore's book, So Long Insecurity. It was great and I recommend it to every woman even if she doesn't think she struggles with insecurity. Now I'm attempting to read Love and War by John and Stasi Eldredge. It's another very good book but I'm having trouble concentrating these days and I'm struggling with some of the issues at hand. Another book by John Eldredge is Wild At Heart. I read it a few years ago. In his book, John discusses the innate, God-given dream that every little boy has...to be a hero, to conquer, to accept the challenge set before him and set forth on this adventure with his bride (his beautiful bride) right by his side. The sad fact however, is that too many men have this dream stifled, beaten out of them. Whether through their own dads, their family, their friends, a lifetime of failures, or just life itself...with all it's disappointments.
I agree with John Eldredge in this. I grew up with a brother and from a very young age his dreams always went something like this..."I want... 'to be a fireman/policeman/soldier' and 'get married to a beautiful girl' and 'have a family' and 'we can do this...and that' and 'I will be big and strong and...'" You get my point. Thankfully he has, for the most part, been able to hold on to that dream and he continuously strives to be the hero of his family.
I'm just starting to see some of these same dreams pop up in my little boy now. It's exciting. It's scary. He's only 3! Things like being STRONG when a swing flies back and hits him in the mouth but instead of running to someone in tears he hides behind the slide and cries silently to himself. (I wasn't there for that episode but I've seen it before and we often "walk it off" together...away from everyone so if he needs to cry he can without the onlookers. Afterall, he's only 3!). HERO--when Ryan's baby cousin cries he tries endlessly to "fix" it by bringing one toy after another (amazingly they are often age-appropriate). PROTECTOR--he's beginning to show signs of wanting to protect me. And finally...
...The importance of BEAUTY (and the whole story behind all this and what prompted all the *thinking*)...
The other day Ryan was visiting me at the hospital and he *checked* the common areas that need shaving...underarms, legs. How did he know? I don't know. I've been out of the house for nearly 9 weeks now and haven't been in the "normal" role of a woman/mom since January, but somehow he just knew. He keeps check of these things almost every time he comes, and he's more than blunt when telling me it's time to shave. Bless his little heart. (Shaving has been on the very low priority list for me since it requires standing for much longer in the shower here at the hospital.) So the other day the conversation went like this, "Momma need to shave 2 arms". Wanting to fix the problem he grabbed a plastic cup lid and pretended to shave me, "Shave Momma's 2 arms. Now Momma PRETTY."
Like I said before, bless his sweet little heart.
The other day Ryan was visiting me at the hospital and he *checked* the common areas that need shaving...underarms, legs. How did he know? I don't know. I've been out of the house for nearly 9 weeks now and haven't been in the "normal" role of a woman/mom since January, but somehow he just knew. He keeps check of these things almost every time he comes, and he's more than blunt when telling me it's time to shave. Bless his little heart. (Shaving has been on the very low priority list for me since it requires standing for much longer in the shower here at the hospital.) So the other day the conversation went like this, "Momma need to shave 2 arms". Wanting to fix the problem he grabbed a plastic cup lid and pretended to shave me, "Shave Momma's 2 arms. Now Momma PRETTY."
Like I said before, bless his sweet little heart.
Thankfully I have many more years with my little boys being just that...my little boys, but I know that someday they will be grown men. In the meantime...I want to help them grow into the men God has created them to be... complete... whole... sensitive... respectful... considerate... wild... with hearts on fire for the things of God...including that God-given, innate dream to be strong heroes on this adventure called life.
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Not that I'm feeling all that beautiful right now, I do find pregnancy to be a thing of beauty. A beautiful picture of new life.
I am looking forward to a day or even an hour of pampering so I can feel beautiful.I love bags. My husband probably thinks I'm crazy. I recently purchased this diaper bag online. I think it's beautiful and I hope it lasts for many years to come...
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I won't lie and say that I don't have rough days. Some days I just want be "done with all of this". Those are usually the days I'm feeling the loneliest, most comfortable, crampy, etc. Some days I just hurt all over and I wander if my body can handle much more. Thankfully I only have a couple days each week like that. I feel so guilty when things turn back around and I once again hope and pray we "make it".
Now think about this...if I can just make it 3 more weeks (36 weeks) we are pretty much in the clear. Each week between now and 37 weeks drastically reduces the likelihood of a NICU stay. Barring any unforeseen complications most 36-weekers don't have to make that infamous trek to the NICU. If I make it to 37 weeks I will be considered full-term and the NICU team won't even need to be present during delivery. I'll also have broken all previous records...for me that is.
And just for the sake of scheduling...if by some chance I'm able to go home and my body mysteriously decides that pregnancy isn't in fact something terrible, we have a c-section date:
July 2nd
Evan's blankie...it's finished.
3 comments:
You are amazing, beautiful and a great writer!! I am so proud of you!! I'd love to come visit you. We've only met once, last years MOD kick off party. So if that's to weird I completely understand. But if not I'd be honored to. 33 weeks, praise the Lord.
Daysha--Sure! Come by anytime.
You really have done so AWESOME!!! You do look amazing in the picture too :) Wish Texas was a little closer too I would come visit you too :( You are so close now..only 3 weeks away thats so great to say....you are going to make it I just KNOW it :)
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