Life Is Good: Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

I've never been too great at making decisons. For one, I'm always afraid I'll make the wrong decision. For two, unfortunately, I'm too concerned with what others will think. I've been in several lectures and classes discussing ways of "dealing" with decisions including writing out all the pros and cons, creating graphs and charts, seeking advice, etc., etc. I've gotten better through the years and now I find myself mentally comparing the pros and cons and seeking counsel through prayer. I've told my family and some friends this so they won't find it too terribly shocking, but I sure do wish that God would just write on the wall what He wants me to do in those big decisions. You know...those life-changing, life-altering, family-affecting decisions.

I feel God gives me wisdom to make wise everyday decisions. I pray for wisdom a lot. Not to say that I always make the right decisions on the little things. Trust me I find myself seeking forgiveness quite often. You know that list I presented a few days ago...number 29...I ought to be a pro at that...if only my pride didn't stick it's ugly head in everything. I've also made plenty of decisions...even some lately...that even though they didn't hurt anyone they've been foolish and I've had to live with the regret.

The decisions I struggle with the most are those "BIG" decisions. I think I know what's the right thing to do. I think I know what God wants for me regarding the decision, but...then I question...is that me talking because I want/don't want something or is that God whispering to me? Ugh! Like I said I just wish God would write it on the wall, and He might as well write it in a couple of places because I'm probably just too bull-headed to believe I actually read the first one right. Ryan's room is painted in chalkboard paint so that wall is a good place. I'd even go for burning the message in my grass!

Anyway...

I've been faced with one of those really "BIG" decisions recently for which I must present an answer within a few days. I've spent most of the day thinking about it. I've presented it to my family to consider, seeking their advice. Trust me I've weighed the pros and cons, and they pretty much cancel each other out. Now I just need to know the right thing to do!

I'm not going to give the details of what this decision is at this time. Please pray for me. Pray that my mind would be clear. Pray that my heart would be open. Pray that the "noise" of this world would fade away so I can hear what I need to hear. I've worked myself up almost to tears considering what I should do. I can't even think straight. Pray for wisdom. Pray for peace.

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Brandy Danielle

Brandy is our firstborn, our precious angel baby girl. Her entry into this world wasn't without excitement. At 26 weeks I started preterm labor with contractions 5 minutes apart. With 10 weeks of strict bedrest, most of which were in the hospital, she made it to 36 weeks.
Brandy was diagnosed with "possible/probable" heart defect around 28-30 weeks gestation. After her birth she was whisked away to the NICU for monitoring and after a few days her defect was formally diagnosed and labeled...atrial septal defect and a cleft mitral valve.
Brandy, upon indications of failure to thrive and pulmonary hypertension, underwent her first of 2 open-heart surgeries at 4 months of age. A week after her surgery on the day of her anticipated discharge home Brandy coded for 13 minutes...a stoke.
From that point on Brandy's life was full of doctor's visits, endless crying, pain and suffering. She underwent another heart surgery, fundoplication and g-tube surgery, treatment for infantile spasms, and a mountain of tests and procedures. Her brain damage was extensive.
Upon counseling of our wonderful, most amazing heart surgeon, Dr. Christopher Knott-Craig, and many hours of prayer, we finally called in hospice and called off all of the extensive medical interventions and surgery needs that would prolong her suffering while possibly prolonging her life. Brandy, our precious baby girl...our angel...passed out of our arms and into the arms of her Saviour, Jesus at the tender age of 17 months.

Ryan Andrew

Ryan, our micro-preemie miracle, is a ball of life. After nearly a year of trying to conceive imagine our delight when we finally knew he was on the way. My pregnancy with Ryan was uneventful at first. It seemed perfect and with all of the precautions for preterm labor being taken and monitored we entered this pregnancy with cautious anticipation covered over by a whole love of naive excitement.
At 20 weeks we discovered our "Baby Peanut" was going to be a little boy. We began to make plans and began dreaming about the day we would meet our son.
Almost 2 weeks later everything changed in our lives. It wa a whirlwind of fear and emtions as I began to bleed, was sent for monitoring in L&D and eventually had an appointment with my OB only to find out that it was serious. I had incompetent cervix with hourglassing membranes. The doctor admitted me to the hospital immediately and an emergency cerclage was placed. The statistics were grim, but the hope was to keep our son inside for at least 10 more weeks. We only made it 10 more days.
Early in the evening of February 11, 2007 our son, Ryan, came into this world in emergency fashion at only 23 weeks 5 days gestation. He weighed 1 pound 8 ounces and was 12 ½ inches long. He was so tiny. All I could think of was “oh my goodness is he really that tiny? And is there any way he could actually make it?” I tried to hold on to hope, but in all honesty I had never met anyone with a baby born that early and that small that ever made it.
Ryan did make it! It was a long, hard road, but in the end he spent 90 days in the NICU. He was on a ventilator for 2 months. Finally on one fine glorious day in May we bundled up our 4 pound 4 ounce baby boy and went home...May 11, 2007.
Ryan is now a spunky, lively, strong-willed little boy. His laughter is contagious and his spirit is compelling. He is our miracle. There are no words strong enough to share our delight and joy that God has blessed us with this little boy.

Evan Alexander